


The Tide is High But I'm Holdin' On

by RiddlePanda



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Body Dysphoria, Creek is implied, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Trans Clyde, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 17:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14169666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiddlePanda/pseuds/RiddlePanda
Summary: Soulmate bonds were the first words you said to your soulmate. They were commonplace and appeared on your wrist from the moment you were born.They both hated their words. They both hated that those words meant they couldn’t be together. It wasn’t fair after everything they had been through.It wasn't fair that whoever this "Clyde" person was, was keeping them from their happy life together.





	The Tide is High But I'm Holdin' On

**Author's Note:**

> Got some wonderful fanart of the fic! Check it out here!!!!!
> 
>  
> 
>  [Holdin' On](https://ichika27.tumblr.com/post/178304525069/the-tide-is-high-but-im-holdin-on-riddlepanda)

**_Soulmate bonds were the first words you said to your soulmate. They were commonplace and appeared on your wrist from the moment you were born._ **

Stupid soulmate word bullshit.

Clara Donovan stared hard at the words on her wrist, wishing them away.

_It’s Clyde._

Who the ever living **FUCK** was Clyde? She didn’t even **KNOW** a Clyde. She didn’t even **LIKE** boys that way...well except for Token, but he was nicer to her than the rest of them, so of course she liked Token. All the other boys were dumb.

And Token knew her Clyde. Or **A** Clyde.

_Hello Clyde._

That was what was tattooed on Token’s dark skin, barely visible unless you honed in on that spot. In great secrecy, Token had showed Clara the day they met when they were five and had just started Kindergarten. Token found her crying in the corner after a brown haired fat kid had pushed her down and taken her lunch. The boy had let her wipe her tears on his shirt sleeve. Token had shifted and she had seen the words, grabbing his arm to see the words better.

“Hello Clyde. That’s what it says.”

Clara raised her own wrist. “It’s Clyde.”

The two had giggled and from then on were friends, making a pact to find the mysterious Clyde that they were both destined to meet.

\---------------------------

By age ten, Clara knew she was a bit different than the other girls. She didn’t want to talk about dumb sparkly ponies and try on clothes or shoes, even though her dad owned a shoe store. She’d rather talk about bugs and get her clothes dirty. Her mother tried enforcing the more girly stuff, but when she died, Roger Donovan let Clara do anything she wanted and wear what she wanted.

She was glad that she was roped into Craig Tucker’s group and the boys didn’t mind a girl hanging out with them. She could throw her punches and dirty jokes just as well as the others. Having Craig as her next door neighbor as another boy she could totally trust and having Token vouch for her meant the world to her.

And as much as she denied the thing Craig kept mentioning and joking to her about, the boy had only smirked and hugged her close. “You’re seething dude.”

“Am not.”

“Well...let’s just say I’m glad you don’t have my laser eyes I got from Peru. Otherwise Nichole wouldn’t have a head with how much you’re glaring at her when she talks to Token.”

“She’s not the one.”

Craig furrowed his eyebrows at Clara’s mumble. “What was that?”

She shook her head. “I wish Cartman would just keep us out of his damn plans.”

"Well if Token actually told us what his soulmate words were, he’d probably back off with the girlfriend stuff.”

Clara scoffed and smirked. “He’ll tell people when hes’s ready. And just wait Craig. When you find yours, I’m gonna ship you two so hard for payback.”

\---------------------------------

The worst thing about body dysphoria had definitely been the summer before Seventh Grade when puberty hit and her boobs had grown in. Clara glared at the offending lumps of fat in the mirror before pulling on her sports bra and two layers of clothing to flatten them as much as she could.

She was glad that the guys treated her normally, unlike the time they had all lost their minds when Bebe had first got her boobs in Fourth Grade. It wasn’t like she even did anything girly at all, except get a tad bit emotional and want to hug people constantly. Even Tweek, who had trouble with most people touching him except for Craig, instantly went to Clara for hugs when she offered.

\-------------------

Clara groaned and winced as she sat down for lunch. Token looked up and gave her a sympathetic look before sliding a chocolate bar at her.

“It’s uh...you know...for _that_...”

She smiled softly and nodded, grabbing the no doubt expensive foreign chocolate Token always gave her during _that_ week. “Thank you Token.”

“You wanna come over later? I wanna talk to you about something.”

“Sure.”

\-------------------------

“I don’t **FEEL** gay. Not like Craig and Tweek. I don’t...fuck...”

Clara sat crossed legged on Token’s bed, watching the teen pace back and forth. “Still haven’t told anyone but me?”

Token stopped and shook his head. “Well...Nichole actually found out kind of the same way you did. Saw the words and realized why I really wasn’t into our relationship. That’s why we broke up before school started. She promised not to tell or out me, even though I told her I still didn’t... _feel_...that way yet.”

“Yeah, because you know that everyone’s gonna want to find “Clyde” just like they tried in Fifth Grade for me. That was so fucking annoying.”

“Yeah... Whoever the fuck Clyde is, we’re kicking his ass for tormenting us like this.”

\-----------------------------

_It’s Clyde._

Clara hated Clyde by the time Ninth Grade hit. He was definitely getting in the way of her growing feelings for her best friend. It hurt. It hurt so bad that Token wasn’t her soulmate. The words felt heavy and burned her arm with how bad she hated those fated words on her wrist. She just wished she could rip the words off of her and Token and they could just finally be happy.

Her feelings weren’t one-sided, not by a long shot. The way Token held her, took care of her when she had a dysphoric meltdown, their “wish these weren’t only as friends” dates they constantly went on. He kissed her on the cheek, not daring to go the extra step, because they both knew it was pointless. They were both destined for a person named Clyde, and by the way their lives were going, it probably wasn’t the same guy.

\---------------------

Tenth Grade became the year that Clara had enough. She had always kept her hair short, shoulder length, but something about it brushing her neck one too many times had her stand in the bathroom the day before school started for the year, whacking it shorter than it had ever been.

With new haircut and dressed in one of Token’s sweaters he had left, Clara stood on the table at lunch and proudly proclaimed that she was no longer Clara Donovan, no longer a girl, but a boy. Until he found a name that suited him, they could call him C or call him by his last name.

He wouldn’t be able to start getting testosterone treatments until he was sixteen, a few months later, when his dad and he were able to look up the best resources and clinics in their area that dealt with transitioning.

His friends helped by just being there and treating him normally. Craig had already called him dude since they were nine, something he was grateful for.

Token didn’t have to do it. Just by being there was enough for him. But the day he turned sixteen and Token had handed the teen his birthday present, he pulled Token into the biggest hug he could muster, crying into Token’s shirt. Binders, especially the well made ones that actually did their job well, were expensive. Very expensive. Roger could afford the T treatments for his son with insurance, but reluctantly couldn’t get a binder.

Token bought him three.

\----------------------------

T worked wonders, even in the nearly two years he had been taking it. There was slight stubble on his chin, his breasts had shrunk slightly, and his normal high pitched voice had dropped a few octaves, almost getting confused with Craig’s sometimes.

It was nearing his eighteenth birthday and the day he could legally change his name to his new desired name. He had thought a long time on it, but nothing felt right to him. No name popped out for him.

“It’s a big commitment. It’s like the final piece. It’s gotta be special.”

Token nodded as he held him, placing kisses on his hair. “Remember, I’ll always be here for you dude.”

“Until you find your Clyde.”

“Until you find yours as well.”

_It’s Clyde._

_Hello Clyde._

They both hated those words. They both hated that those words meant they couldn’t be together. It wasn’t fair after everything they had been through. Transitioning, Token finally figuring out he did like boys, their secret make-out sessions in the safety of Token’s room. It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair that their happy ending together was ruined by at least one asshole named Clyde. It wasn’t fair that whoever Clyde or the Clydes were made the love they had for each other taboo. Because soulmates that didn’t get with their soulmate were looked down upon.

 _He_ wouldn’t have it. _They_ wouldn’t have it. Clyde may be their soulmate, but he or they would never get what was rightfully theirs. Both their virginities were lost that night, along with plenty of shed tears that this would be a one time thing.

\------------------------------

The realization came a week later the night before his birthday. He stared at old grade school pictures to get his mind off of the very important word he needed to write down by tomorrow for his dad to file so his legal name and gender were changed.

The first picture Token and he had together made him smile. It had been a week after they met and they were at the finger painting table. He closed his eyes and thought back to the first time they had met, back when he was a crying little girl.

_“Hello Clyde. That’s what it says.”_

His eyes shot open, growing wider as he tried to think of any other time Token had spoke to him before that. There hadn’t been. Boys had been dumb, that’s what his older sister had said. So little five year old Clara had stayed away from them as much as she could. Until Token.

_“It’s Clyde.”_

He chuckled before starting to laugh. He laughed until he started crying and laughed even more as tears streamed down his face. He had to still his hand as he wrote the five letters that was his new name, the name that had unknowingly been his own this entire time.

\-----------------------------

Clyde texted Token the next day, asking him if he could come over earlier than what they had planned for his party, telling him it was super important. That he wanted Token to be the first to know his new name.

He felt more jittery than Tweek as he opened the door once he heard Token’s knock, his eyes wide and a huge grin on his face.

Token chuckled as he saw the state his best friend was in. “So dude, your name must be super good if it’s causing this much excitement from you. What is it?”

“It’s Clyde.”

Token started to say something before he stopped and stared at the teen in front of him, his own eyes growing wide in realization. The smile on his face nearly rivaled Clyde’s as he held his arms out, the brunette crashing into him, crushing their lips together.

After what seemed like an eternity, they pulled back from each other and Token cupped Clyde’s face.

“Hello Clyde.”

**Author's Note:**

> Scream at me riddlepanda.tumblr.com


End file.
